I Almost Lost A Relationship Because I Said, “No.”

Saying “no” has been one of the hardest things for me to do this year, and even though I still feel bad for saying it, I realize it’s something I have to do if I want to pursue the hard but worthy things in life.

I texted this to my friend, who asked if I could fill out a 15-second survey to help her earn some money. I said: Sorry no. I would love to help you, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go off course on things that don’t align with my long-term goals. Hope you understand.

Thinking she would get my message this time (I wrote to her months ago on why I couldn’t like and comment on her Youtube video — because I wanted to cut down on things that’d distract me from what I was striving to do), I went off to run some errands. It wasn’t until a few hours later when I received an upsetting response:

Obviously, she was hurt and upset. And I couldn’t help but feel the same.

Why was she so upset? Why couldn’t she understand? Did she not respect me?

It took me awhile to cool off before I began to see things a little differently. Maybe I didn’t explain myself well enough. Maybe I wasn’t putting much attention on our relationship, as she implied. Maybe it’s my fault for making her feel this way because I didn’t make the time to fully connect with her — about what we were doing, what we wanted out of life, and our values. Most days, I had been so consumed by my desire to do something worthy, in living for something bigger than myself, that I had forgotten to tend to our relationship.

So I decided to write her a letter, not only to explain myself and my seemingly selfish behavior, but to also apologize because…if I had to be honest, I could’ve done better.

This letter, despite it taking me far longer to do than the survey, was worth every second of my time. Because had I not addressed the problem nor understood why I can’t always give away my time to every request, I might’ve already lost a relationship…and perhaps respect for myself.

And I’m glad I powered through.

I can only hope that my friend can see where I’m coming from and that I have no ill intentions of hurting or offending her when I say “no”. After all, we just hold different values and see things differently, and while they may be difficult to discuss — many of us don’t even think about why we do what we do — I feel it’s something that could help strengthen a relationship.

Because if you can talk openly, and honestly, about what you truly want out of life and why, man…imagine how far you can go, how happy you can be and how much stronger you feel about what you stand for.

That’s what I’m hoping my friend could see, and hopefully, she’ll take this opportunity to grow with me and to give this relationship another chance.

Thanks for reading!

I’m on a journey to write 10,000 hours because I want to unravel the complexities of life and show people that there’s a lot more to life than we know. And that if I continue to write, eagerly or reluctantly, I’ll eventually find the truth behind all the questions we have about our world and our existence.

With that said, this particular post took 8h 57m, the letter 14h 18m.

Walking through the second chapter of my life by asking: What can I do for the world? You’ll find the answer at http://misstiffanysun.com/about

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