I Almost Lost A Relationship Because I Said, “No.”

Hi Tiffany!
7 min readApr 1, 2020

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Saying “no” has been one of the hardest things for me to do this year, and even though I still feel bad for saying it, I realize it’s something I have to do if I want to pursue the hard but worthy things in life.

I texted this to my friend, who asked if I could fill out a 15-second survey to help her earn some money. I said: Sorry no. I would love to help you, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go off course on things that don’t align with my long-term goals. Hope you understand.

Thinking she would get my message this time (I wrote to her months ago on why I couldn’t like and comment on her Youtube video — because I wanted to cut down on things that’d distract me from what I was striving to do), I went off to run some errands. It wasn’t until a few hours later when I received an upsetting response:

Why are you putting your priorities over our relationship? Why don’t you care? The amount of time you texted me that, you could’ve finished the survey.

Obviously, she was hurt and upset. And I couldn’t help but feel the same.

Why was she so upset? Why couldn’t she understand? Did she not respect me?

It took me awhile to cool off before I began to see things a little differently. Maybe I didn’t explain myself well enough. Maybe I wasn’t putting much attention on our relationship, as she implied. Maybe it’s my fault for making her feel this way because I didn’t make the time to fully connect with her — about what we were doing, what we wanted out of life, and our values. Most days, I had been so consumed by my desire to do something worthy, in living for something bigger than myself, that I had forgotten to tend to our relationship.

So I decided to write her a letter, not only to explain myself and my seemingly selfish behavior, but to also apologize because…if I had to be honest, I could’ve done better.

Kaylee**,I love you.Do you remember when we were in elementary school, we were eating our sandwiches on the picnic table and a leaf accidentally landed in yours and you ate it?Those memories are precious to me, especially now because I realize with how far you are, newer memories…

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Hi Tiffany!

Walking through the second chapter of my life by asking: What can I do for the world? You’ll find the answer at http://misstiffanysun.com/about