A few weeks ago, I received an email from someone who recently read my post about the 9.5 year breakup that left me stranded in China. They were glad to see how my life had moved on, how I am better off now, but were curious to know, “Why didn’t you leave your ex-boyfriend earlier instead of sticking around?”
I thought about it for a while, and this was my answer.
When you’re in a relationship, especially one that’s close to 10 years, you tend to be more forgiving of each other’s mistakes and more tolerant, because it’s a relationship that you’ve already invested so much time and effort into that you’d much rather see past the negatives and focus on the positives. Even when there’s an argument, you try to work things out without ever resorting to a breakup because it’s not worth it when you weigh all the good moments you’ve had against the fewer bad ones.
I remember there was a time when my ex had come back home after a one-week business meeting in Hong Kong. He looked dejected, teary-eyed. The moment I saw him, I knew something happened. I knew something was wrong.
Me: “What is it? What’s wrong hun?”
Him: “…I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”
Me: “Just tell me what it is. You’re scaring me.”
